One of the most common problems I encounter when helping managers and business owners become more successful is with leadership development and sales confidence.

Most people running a business begin with the skills they already have, and follow a style based upon past experience (or inexperience) or perhaps what they have observed and learned from others.

Eventually they discover they might not know the most effective ways of handling the variety of issues related to leading and running a successful business. This includes everything from managing employees and marketing their company to the face to face interactions with customers.

You can take classes on Management 101 or Sales 101 and learn tremendous leadership skills. However the sleeping giant I found with most business owners in the area of leadership development and sales competence is anxiety. Yes, that’s right we often bump up against our own discomfort when leading others toward our company vision and agenda.

Overcoming Leadership Anxiety

Now whether or not you experience true anxiety or not, we have found a direct correlation between leadership effectiveness and self-confidence, even if you have the normal skills for managing people. In fact, this the hidden source of most communication failure.

This discomfort can be experienced as everything from a mild sense of wanting to avoid an issue, to extreme anxiety. Notice what comes up for you when you think about confronting a sensitive issue. Can you lead with complete confidence? And I am not talking about merely acting confident. I am talking about feeling confident at your core—at the cellular DNA level.

Many people don’t realize that a hidden form of low self esteem is at the root of many patterns such as anxiety, procrastination, perfectionism, fear when speaking or doing a sales presentation, asking for a loan from a bank and so on. In fact there are numerous studies that show over 85% of all people (including business owners) live with some sort of self-esteem deficit.

I worked with a business owner, “Bob” who experienced extreme anxiety when needing to manage his team and keeping them accountable to following through on commitments. Bob’s pattern was “Every time I think about telling my team what needs to be done, I feel anxious and second guess my decisions or method. And even though I’m clear in my mind, I avoid it.”

There were 16 beliefs we found related to Bob’s pattern. The beliefs hidden in his subconscious included ones such as:

• I don’t matter
• What I have to say doesn’t matter
• People don’t care what I have to say
• I’m powerless
• My needs don’t matter

These are the types of hidden beliefs that hold an unwanted pattern in place. That is, until you learn how to uncover and release them. Can you see now where this man’s anxiety and indecision came from? And can you see the connection between the beliefs and the unwanted pattern?

If you have beliefs such as these running in your subconscious mind, they can render you essentially ineffective in getting the leadership results you want, such as achieving full accountability from your team. Once all the beliefs were cleared away, Bob was freed from second guessing himself that was fueled by the anxiety.

Gaining Confidence

Even when you recognize a confidence deficit in some area of your life, gaining confidence can feel like a mountain to climb unless you have the right tools.

That is where our special clearing process comes in. It is the most powerful process we have learned in our 30 years of study and work with personal and business growth to effectively overcoming self-defeating patterns, such as procrastination, sales anxiety, low confidence, fear of failure and so on.

Working with business owners, there are 3 kinds of confidence we work with, self confidence, leadership confidence and sales confidence.

I define confidence as a sense of certainty—certainty about your value, your leadership, your choices, your relationships, and your management style.

All of this contributes to high emotional intelligence—which is the ability to maintain internal stability when dealing with tough challenges.

And low self esteem is one of the biggest blocks to enjoying this inner peace and even your outer fulfillment…no matter your leadership status.

Building Robust Confidence

It doesn’t have to take long to clear away the blocks to success in your leadership development. In fact, in most cases it takes only about 90 days. It is amazing how in a matter of a few weeks working with the right processes, you are suddenly free from a pattern that has plagued you for years. Imagine what your leadership could be like with your confidence operating at full speed.

• Confidence in your leadership
• Confidence in your sales
• Confidence in your core self

The first steps in building robust confidence are to become aware of any discomfort you may have about your leadership. Then notice what types of situations trigger the anxiety or discomfort, such as whenever you have a different opinion or a new suggestion, or when your team is not buying in fully to your instructions. Notice at what point you begin to feel anxious or uncomfortable.

Next, search for hidden beliefs that may contribute to your discomfort. Look for beliefs such as “I am not important” or “What I have to say is not important” and so on. There are more steps to this process included in my November article titled Overcoming Low Self Esteem, How to Gain Confidence.

Yet, to completely clear the pattern and dissolve it for good, you will likely need  the help of a trained facilitator who can help you uncover and eliminate all of the beliefs. But just these firststeps are powerful all on their own, and will help you in moving forward.

So when thinking about your next steps in your leadership develpment, indeed you need to learn the skills of leadership and sales. Just be sure to clear away the unwanted pattern(s) so you can lead with both skill and confidence.♥

Desirée Watson is a transformational success coach and trainer who specializes in helping people clear away patterns they wish they didn’t have. To learn more about how Desirée can help you go to your next level of success go to CoachDesiree.com.

 

 

Most people begin their search for meaning in life by looking out into the world, through their relationships, work and community. Yet even when we have ventured successfully in those areas, there is often a lingering sense that something is missing. What is that really about? Exactly what is it that seems to be missing? And how can we fill in the missing gaps?

I believe that deep inside every human being is a buried treasure—each of us a virtual goldmine of untapped possibility and potential. That is what I see every day in the people of my life, my husband, friends, neighbors, grocery store personnel, the post office clerks and of course my coaching clients.

Just the other day in a weekly yoga class I attend, my big-hearted teacher said to us as she smiled so radiantly, “My teacher taught me how to look at all your faces and see each of you as a bright light that I am connected to in the universe. And so that is what I see.”

Her comments reminded me of who we really are (each of us) beneath our exterior facades—a bright goldmine of greatness and possibility. It is such a seemingly effortless thing she does, yet a powerful example of how really simple it is to act upon the spiritual values of connectedness and oneness. In other words, she doesn’t just talk about being a bright light; she models it simply by being who she is.

After many years of studying human awareness, and working with people from all walks of life, I have discovered 7 essential keys that you can apply right now for living a life of meaning and purpose.

1. Commit to finding what matters most in your life and what problem you are passionate about solving for others and the world.

This is the number one key for a truly successful life. The people I have known who are the happiest and most soul-connected know what is important to them. And they have focused on work and activities they are passionate about. They are fed by giving value to others, solving problems and making the world a better place.

2. Engage the still inner voice deep inside of you and your higher power. Begin a genuine inquiry about what you are here to do and what you most value. Then listen carefully for your next steps.

I know this seems obvious, however, most people in our modern culture don’t maintain a regular (like daily) committed spiritual practice of prayer and reflection. Taking some time (even 5-10 minutes a day) to really reflect on your true priorities can make a huge difference. You don’t need to have a “loud” calling to be called. Just take one step closer each day into your purpose which is more about (here’s a hint) what you want to contribute than a particular job or career. You will find there are many opportunities to express your true purpose than you might now imagine.

3. Put legs and feet under your dreams. When you discover a passion begin pursuing the skills you need and take action to build a strong network to bring it all to life. Choose work that allows you to express something you love doing at least 75% of the time.

Many people get stuck “thinking” way too much about their dreams or they over-analyze the simple intuitive hits that are nudging them along. Your mind alone will not guide you, nor will it motivate you for very long.

When you receive an intuition to change your life, and you find yourself stalling, get help immediately, so you can keep moving forward with an inspired process. You must take physical action to bring your dreams alive or they will only live and die in your mind.

For example if you are feeling stuck in a job you don’t like, start building a bridge between that and what you really want to do by taking one small step each day.

It is so true the following quote from 16th century Taoist Lao Tzu:

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

4. Find a way to be accountable to yourself so you can notice and measure your success as you move toward a goal. You’ll be amazed at what can happen when you simply begin walking toward your goals?

One way to do this is by having someone else to be accountable to. This is also where a professional coach can really boost you.

When “Dawn” came to me she was struggling with keeping her commitments to herself. She was easily distracted by the needs of others, answering endless emails and phone calls and had a hard time finishing any project she started.

Some of the hidden beliefs we uncovered and I helped her eliminate were, “I don’t matter,” “My needs don’t matter” and “I am not important.”

Then a week later during our next appointment she had compiled a list of all the things she had accomplished that week and presented it to me. Feeling uplifted and inspired she reported that she had gotten more done (in one week) toward her goals than in the entire past year.

If you can’t afford to hire a coach, find a committed ally in your community or talk long distance over the phone with someone with whom you can exchange accountability. Trust me, it's really not that complicated to set this up.

5. Be willing to try new things even when you are afraid. Let your sincere intention and serendipity guide you. Be ready for some delightful and unexpected doors of opportunity to open.

Another of my coaching clients “Caroline” had lost her corporate job and called me for help while she was exploring new possibilities regarding her next career move. She realized that she had wanted to start her own consulting business and was simply too afraid.

We identified a hidden pattern that was getting in her way. The pattern was that “Whenever I think about stepping into my own business, I feel afraid, I retreat and don’t take action.”

Some of the beliefs related to this pattern (that we eliminated) were, “I am not good enough,” “I don’t have what it takes,“ “If I make a mistake I will fail” and “I am powerless.” You can imagine with those kinds of hidden beliefs in the background that it would be hard to take action.

Now with the unwanted pattern out of the way I began mapping out the steps with Caroline that she needed to take to begin her consulting practice and start marketing her services.

Within a few short weeks she had two new clients and was now on her way.

6. Let go of the idea that you must be comfortable to be on track. It is likely you will be challenged to move out of your comfort zone many times in order to keep growing and to continue feeling passionate about your life.

I will venture to say that the more uncomfortable you are while stepping toward this something new, the more on track you end up being. When you start something new the areas where you lack confidence and belief in yourself will tend to show up.

When you become aware of these “shadow” areas in your life, you will more easily make choices that support your growth and what you want to accomplish. When you ignore them, they simply run you.

7. When set backs occur, get support so you can manage your thoughts and feelings more easily. Stay in present time with your circumstances. Again take time to reflect daily, ask for inner guidance and trust the process you are in is truly for your greater good.

For example, if you are having a health crisis, instead of asking “why is this happening to me?”—which you may never know—get the help you need medically, yet also look at what needs to be strengthened within you, or what you may need to let go of.

When you are willing to follow these steps in your search for meaning, you will begin to enjoy your life for the adventure it is. Not only will you find treasure that fills the missing pieces, you will discover your untapped passions, creativity and the sense of purpose you crave. ♥

Desirée Watson is a transformational coach and trainer who specializes in helping people break free from self-defeating beliefs that otherwise hold them back and move into alignment with what they most value. For more information or to schedule an appointment with Desirée, go to CoachDesiree.com

Most people, when thinking about how to start a small business begin with the basic logical steps.

1. You have an idea
2. You do research
3. You look for the education you might need
4. You secure funding and resources
5. You start putting your small business together

And all of these steps for starting a small business are very important. You need to take these steps

What most people miss, however, are the vital inner steps:

1. What is motivating you to start a small business?

2. Why are you choosing this particular business? (List your reasons)

3. Does your business idea fit with who you are and the lifestyle you want for yourself and your family?

4. What skills do you need to make it in your own business? And do you have those skills, and how will you fill in the gaps?

5. Have you looked at the real numbers involved in starting your business? What will it cost you to get started and when will your pay-off begin to happen?

6. How long are you prepared to operate in your small before making a profit?

7. Do you have a viable business model that fits your unique personality and strengths and how you want to be spending your time? What will you actually enjoy doing?

When I was in my mid-twenties I went to a two-year business trade school on accounting and management. I wanted to learn how to start a small business—my own business—one that would bring me joy and financial freedom. I had thought I would like to be an independent bookkeeper, but I really didn’t have a clue what that business would be like.

It was a great plan, yet within a year of beginning the classes and curriculum, I realized that I did not like working with numbers all that much. Yet I also recognized that my new accounting skills would provide a good foundation for any business. So I continued my schooling—and my search for a different business.

As a raving Häagan Dazs fan, I landed on the idea of starting my own ice-cream and sandwich shop. This was only the beginning of my vision. I wanted to model my business after Häagan Dazs and set up the first store as a prototype for a nation-wide boutique ice-cream franchise.

I did all the research and secured the funding from a friend. I leased a retail space in a small shopping center, and bought equipment for the store. I hired a guy to remodel the space, got my logo and signs made and even hired someone to help me manage the store.

There was only one small problem, after running the business only 30 days, I was completely bored. This was partly a reflection of my youth and inexperience at the time. And the business did not exactly take off quickly the way I had planned. My vision of major franchise success was slowly fading away.

However, I did not give up easily. I worked hard for 9 months promoting the store, giving out flyers all over town, daily specials and so on. We plugged along relentlessly for 9 months until my funding source finally dried up. By then I had yet to turn a profit and could no longer afford to stay in business. So I sold off the equipment, was able to get out of my lease (what a blessing that was) and I moved on. My business had failed.

So was this failure a total waste? I guess it depends on how you look at it. Sure I lost some money, but I learned some very important lessons about how to start a small business, and few things about myself.

What I learned about starting a business is that there is much more to it than having a simple idea and trying to make money. Here’s a few tips.

1. Choose a business you feel passionate about. What would you enjoy getting out of bed every day to go do? Because every business has its set of challenges. And you’ll need more than ordinary short-term motivation to see it through. Think in terms of what service you would like to provide or what problems you would like to solve for people. What will make you feel energized over the long haul?

2. Make sure you have adequate funding. If you are starting a service type business, such as yard care or a consulting business you can often make money right out of the gate, from your first contract or client. If you’re starting a retail company or an internet business it can take months (or even years in some cases) before you are profitable. Are you prepared to go all the way?

3. Build a bridge. Set up a plan to go from where you are to where you want to be. If you’re working a full-time job, and don’t yet have a lot of capital resources to start a business, make a “bridge plan.” Begin with what you have and build up from there. You’ll be surprised what can happen after a few months of working on your dream in your spare time.

Now, what I learned about myself is that I am not a quitter and I am able to take risks. I did not know myself very well at that young age. And I did not explore my ideas thoroughly enough to find a good match for my unique personality and passions.

I was focused solely on making money, and my true passions weren’t even considered.

I think it is good to explore new things, and to be adventurous throughout your life. As you cannot know all that you are capable of until you venture into new challenges, new opportunities and especially starting a new business.

But ideally, your business (and your source of income) will become a reflection of your values, your passions and your sense of service to something greater than yourself.

I like to think of starting and growing a small business as a path of personal development. Your business will likely challenge you to grow in ways you can not foresee. The question is Will you rise to this challenge?

Starting a small business can be a most rigorous path. Yet, it’s also the most fulfilling path when you choose your business based on motivations (and a vision) that you can put your whole heart and soul into. And this will prompt you to stay with it and follow through, even when times are tough.

Had someone sat me down before I chose the business of ice-cream and asked me to answer those 7 vital questions about the inner steps of starting a small business, it is very likely I would be sharing a wonderful story about how I started my first small business and made it all the way. And it would not have been about ice-cream (please forgive me Häagan Dazs).

So, if you have an idea brewing inside, sit down with all your heart and mind and answer those 7 questions. You’ll save yourself a lot of time and money, and a lot of grief. Because you won’t be wasting your valuable time and money on a venture that’s not the right fit for you.

You’ll have a thriving business that matches your goals and your unique dreams for success. Then, before you know it, you’ll be telling your own story of how to start a small business.♥

Desirée Watson is a transformational coach and trainer who specializes in helping people make the changes they’ve always wanted to make, and to step into the dreams of their hearts. To schedule an appointment or find more information go to CoachDesiree.com

 

 

Overcoming low self esteem may seem like a problem “other” people have, or that children may deal with. And if you’re beyond the age of 35, surely (the thinking goes) you should have your self-esteem handled.

However, studies show that over 85% of all adults have at least some difficulty with confidence. And many people don’t realize that a hidden form of low self esteem is at the root of many patterns such as anxiety, procrastination, perfectionism or fear when speaking in front of a group.

Even when you recognize a self-esteem deficit in some area of your life, gaining confidence can feel like a mountain to climb unless you have the right tools.

Regardless of where you are regarding your self-esteem, all of us want to know how to gain confidence in the areas we don’t yet feel it.

What is Confidence?

In our coaching and training programs there are 3 kinds of confidence we work with, self confidence, confidence in your direction and financial confidence.

I define confidence as a sense of certainty—certainty about your value, your abilities, your direction, your choices, your relationships, your finances and then certainty in your business or profession.

Healthy self esteem contributes to high emotional intelligence—which is the ability to maintain internal stability when dealing with tough challenges.

And low self esteem is one of the biggest blocks to enjoying this inner peace and even your outer fulfillment…no matter your direction or financial status.

Is Having Confidence Normal?

Today I want to address a particular element of confidence. Because having a healthy and vibrant self esteem is what allows us to move forward and tackle any circumstance in our lives with confidence.

When “Jane” first came to me for coaching she was terrified of public speaking. This fear came up not only when she was speaking in front of a group of people, but also when mingling at a party or in casual social settings.

Jane did not realize that her hand-sweating and throat-constricting tremors, whenever standing to speak in front of a group, were connected to a hidden form of low self esteem.

During our first session Jane asked me, “isn’t just about every one afraid to speak in front of a group? I have read studies that show people would rather die than stand in front of a group to speak.” Jane believed, like many people do, that public speaking was naturally scary. And she has since discovered that this is simply not true.

Whenever there’s a set of beliefs that many people share, such as fear of public speaking or even discomfort in a group of people, it can seem like a “fact” that you “should” be afraid—like it is normal.

Well, what if it isn’t “normal?”

What if your fear is caused by something as simple as what you interpret, and it is what you believe that makes you feel so uncomfortable?

When you become aware of an emotional or behavior pattern that inhibits you, holds you back or sabotages your goals, you can feel stuck with it—especially if it has been with you along time. I can tell you with confidence that feeling stuck is just a feeling, and it is not based in truth.

Overcoming Low Self Esteem

Studies show that self-esteem beliefs are formed by age 7. And because children are dependent upon their parents or other caregivers for survival, they tend to take personally everything their parents say and do.

Cognitively, a child hasn’t yet developed the ability to interpret Mom’s or Dad’s behavior other than it being all about the child. So when a parent is angry, critical or impatient, a child will instinctually respond with fear.

So when Mom gets mad or yells at her child, often the child’s first thought is “there must be something wrong with me.” Instead of “oh Mom is feeling angry right now, but she still loves me.”

Children are very sensitive to the emotions, tone of voice and of course the physical expressions and behavior of their parents.

Here is a simple illustration of how a child will form a self-esteem belief: Little 5-year-old Mary rushes into the living room while her dad is watching T.V. and says, “Hey Dad, can I show you….” Dad interrupts and exclaims loudly and angrily: “I’m BUSY!!!” Mary feels hurt and frightened and thinks, “I’m not important”, then while Dad keeps watching TV ….Mary keeps feeling, “I’m not important.”

Keep in mind, Dad would have to behave this way as a general pattern over time for the child to adopt the belief that she wasn’t important. Single incidents usually don’t create a negative self-esteem belief, unless it is a traumatic event.

So any unwanted pattern that gets formed later such as fear of speaking in public is not the result of anything their parents did, but, instead, is the result of their interpretation of what their parents did.

Children inherently want attention, affection, and acknowledgment, and conversely parents want children to be quiet, do as they are told, to be neat, and to essentially behave like adults.

Many parents simply have unrealistic expectations about what young children need and what they are capable of.

How to Gain Confidence

Imagine that I’m working with you and we uncover the following hidden beliefs:

I’m not good enough
I’m not important
I don’t have what it takes
Mistakes are bad
If I make a mistake I will be rejected.
I am not capable

Logically you may know those statements are not true, but when you say them to yourself out loud, they may feel true on some level. You may even feel a little embarrassed when saying them.

Can you see how hard it would be to stand up in front of a group and be seen and heard if you had those hidden beliefs going on in the background.

So how did Jane gain the confidence to start her career as a professional speaker? She eliminated all of the beliefs related to being seen and heard that she had formed during childhood. And she invested her time and resources in more training so she could feel confident both inside and out.

Here are 5 simple steps you can take right now toward overcoming low self-esteem:

Step 1: Notice what feelings come up whenever you are triggered emotionally. (Sad, angry, frustrated, afraid, anxious, guilty).

Step 2: Re-look at the triggering event. Remember what you thought about the person or people involved, and what you made their behavior mean.

For example, “Julie’s” Mother-in-Law had recently passed away. Then after having a hair cut by a man who also knew Julie’s husband, the hairstylist said, “Tell your husband I send my condolences about his mother.” Julie suddenly felt very angry.

When she traced back her thoughts, she realized that she had interpreted the stylist’s statement as an insult because he did not acknowledge Julie by giving her condolences as well. She felt snubbed.

Working together we found several other ways to interpret this:

a) It wasn’t that the stylist was “snubbing” her. He was instead being kind to offer his condolences to her husband, and just did not think at the time to offer them to her as well.

b) It wasn’t that he snubbed her, it was that he was just nervous cutting her hair since she was a new client, and just didn’t think to offer condolences to Julie at the time.

c) Maybe he was not close to his own mother-in-law, but he related to losing a mother as a big event, so he just didn’t think to offer condolences to Julie.

d) Maybe the stylist felt awkward about death, yet felt like he should say something to Julie. So he said what he thought would be appreciated by Julie’s husband about the loss of his mother.

So now, you can see there are many ways to interpret the very same event.

Step 3: Recognize how we are constantly interpreting events and judging other people’s behavior. So whenever you find yourself getting upset, look at your interpretation and then find at least 3 or 4 other ways to interpret the very same event.

Step 4: Notice how you feel with the new interpretations. Such as feeling lighter, silly, and happy. You’ll know you have successfully released a disempowering interpretation when your mood lifts up.

Step 5: Go easy on yourself when you get upset and are unable to initially reinterpret the event. It takes time and practice to learn to observe events and take things less personally.

Overcoming low self esteem and gaining confidence in any area of your life is one of the most liberating and empowering choices you will ever make. And finding new interpretations for what has happened in your life is a powerful first step.

Look for repeating themes in your relationships, and in your career and finances. Look for signals such as worrying about what other people think of you, feeling not good enough, anxiety, procrastination or avoidance, fear of failure, not speaking up for yourself, fear of making mistakes, over spending, inability to trust, and so on.

Then look for the hidden beliefs and begin reinterpreting them.

Once you see that most self-defeating patterns are rooted in the limiting self esteem beliefs you formed as a child, the mystery of why you behave a certain way begins to unravel. That alone is a huge relief to many people.

It Doesn’t Have to Take Long to Overcome Low Self Esteem

It is amazing how in a matter of a few weeks working with the right processes, you are suddenly free from a pattern that has plagued you for years.

And then you are well on your way to overcoming low self esteem and gaining the confidence you need to realize the dreams of your heart—ones that used to seem out of reach.

Desirée Watson is a transformational coach and trainer who specializes in helping people clear away patterns they wish they didn’t have. For more information go to CoachDesiree.com

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a whole team of motivated helpers to call on? Ones who truly cared about you and would help you step toward your true potential with great power and grace.

Well, that is how an archetype can help you. Now let’s explore what heck is an archetype.

In a nutshell, archetypes are a metaphoric representation of the unique roles and personalities seeking expression in your life.

You can think of archetypes as symbolic messengers—a team of inner guides—who seek to steer your life toward your destiny, or away from it depending upon which guides you’re giving the most power and control over your choices. More on that in a bit…

The Beginning of Archetypes
We can find evidence of the use of archetypes that dates back to ancient Greece during the of Plato, who called them “Forms”.

Then early in the early 20th century, the great Swiss psychologist Carl Jung developed this idea further. For Jung, archetypes were comprised of psychological patterns derived from historical roles in life, such as Mother, Child, Trickster, Prince, Servant and so on.

Modern Day Mystic Leads Archetypal Movement
Now since 2002, well-known medical intuitive, author and teacher Caroline Myss has further developed Jung’s work on archetypes. She brings archetypes to us as a way of determining what she calls your “Sacred Contract” which encompasses all the archetypes and the agreements your soul made prior to arriving on earth. Myss has written an entire book about this subject, also called “Sacred Contracts” and she trains those people (like me) who are called to do Archetypal Readings.

“Sacred Contract Consultants” as Caroline calls us help people become acquainted with their own cast of 12 archetypal “roles” or “personalities.” Then you learn to work consciously with them, and discover the gifts and talents that each archetype contributes to you. You also learn about the shadow expressions that each can exert in your life, work, relationships and health.

Personally, I like to think of archetypes as roles that we play. And after you work with them for a while, you will find very definite signature personality patterns unique to each role. The practice is to be aware of which archetypes are in the forefront during any given circumstance or even on a given day. They don’t all “come out” at the same time. Different archetypes come forward throughout your life depending upon what challenges and changes (or even fun) you are currently experiencing.

The Caretaker Archetype
When “Jane” recognized that she had the Caretaker archetype in her cast of 12, many of the challenges she had been facing finally started to make sense to her. When I first met Jane, she had Chronic Fatigue and was struggling to manage her day-to-day work. Jane had endless requests for her time and felt guilty saying no to just about anything. (This is also how the shadow Saboteur operates.)

Jane realized the pattern within this archetype was playing out in her family and her role as a mother. She took care of every one’s “needs” and no one seemed to notice she had needs of her own. Once she recognized her Shadow Caretaker at work she was able to set boundaries and began taking time to care for her self.

At first her family members resisted this change in her. So she had to remain resolute and activate her “Athena Goddess” archetype (a warrior Goddess who represents great strength and clear thinking) to support her. Then, once her family noticed the positive changes in Jane, and in her health, they began to support her.

The Hero Archetype
“James” was a marketing copywriter and had the Hero archetype. And his shadow Hero was often in charge as he seemed to find clients and situations where he thought he could save the day. The problem was that he would often over-estimate his abilities and fail to anticipate the pitfalls that were there. And whenever he saw he was falling short of his goal, he would retreat and leave his clients hanging. Not a good way to build a stable business.

Once he recognized this pattern, he was able to shift his entire career direction to align himself more closely with his values. Now his empowered Hero could begin to shine.

The Princess Archetype
One of the most challenging archetypes for me from the shadow standpoint is the “Princess.” This one has been strong for me. A princess in the royal family “expects” certain entitlements and favors. (And of course I can always go for that). The Princess tends to expect people to respect them and do things for them, especially the men in their lives. In its shadow form, the Princess can easily play dumb and helpless around a man, and have him doing all sorts of things she could easily do herself.

Fortunately my husband, Mark doesn’t always play along. He will sometimes look at me when I have this certain “princessy” look as he calls it that says, “I am not doing that! That is not a job for a Princess!” The last time it happened (a few months ago) was at the local transfer station, where we take our weekly trash and recyclables. It is smelly, dirty and grimy and I just cannot stand to get out of the car. (And Mark seems to indulge me with this one). So we are both conscious of the little princess and can simply laugh about it most of the time.

The Lighter Side of Archetypes
Now keep in mind every archetype also has its light and bright side as well as the shadow. The Caretaker in her light vibration is the most devoted and compassionate companion. And as we have explored already the shadow takes care of every one even at the expense of its own well-being. Many gifted people in the healing arts and those who work for disadvantaged people can have this archetype.

The Hero archetype in ancient Greek or Roman literature is often portrayed as one who must confront an increasingly difficult path of obstacles in order to birth his manhood.

The Hero has a rescuer facet to his or her personality and so will work well in any emergency or when working to help build something bigger than him/herself that empowers others. Often you hear of the Hero’s Journey, made popular by the late Joseph Campbell, as a journey of initiation to awaken an inner knowing and spiritual power.

The Princess in her light vibration is regal, graceful, gracious, compassionate, loving and generous. Think of the late Princess Diana of England. She loved connecting with and supporting the people of her community.

How Your Archetypes Can Help You
Your Sacred Contract as we talked about earlier embodies a support structure of 12 archetypes. Again think of them as your intimate companions—your inner helpers and guides moving you toward self-empowerment. They provide the foundation for your many personality traits, as well as your drives, feelings, beliefs, motivations and actions. They are not passive. Archetypes take an active role as guardians and inner allies alerting you when you are in danger of falling into a destructive “shadow” behavior. Then with this awareness you are truly free to make more powerful and open-hearted choices.

The Four Survival Archetypes
When we are unaware of emotional patterns or the way we perceive things or our hidden attitudes and beliefs, they run us. And there are four primary archetypes that begin to reveal these unaware areas; Saboteur, Prostitute, Victim and Child. These are the four allies for our growth that each one of us must face in ourselves in order to make choices based on our true values.

I like to start an Archetypal Reading by helping my clients get to know the four survival archetypes and how each one may be playing out in their life. You can begin to get a feel for them in the following descriptions.

The Saboteur Archetype teaches us about our relationship to truth. What is really true for you and can you speak it and live it? Where do you sabotage your own dreams, your own talent, your own opportunities, your own truth? Do you speak up for yourself, or conversely put your foot in your mouth by saying something offensive. What do you lie about? And what reasons do you give to justify it. What stops you from telling the truth. Also how do you betray yourself?

The Prostitute Archetype teaches us how (and in what circumstances) we tend to sell ourselves out. For example this can show up as choosing to stay in a job or relationship for only the financial security it offers, especially when you “know” it is time to move on.

I am reminded of Bernie Maddoff, the man who spent years ripping off millions of investors. Not only did he sabotage himself and his investors, his greed and his Prostitute became wicked companions.

The Prostitute archetype is also about negotiating with your guidance (or God) for your requirements in order to feel safe or have guaranteed success. For example, do you ever find yourself trying to make a deal with the Divine by saying something like, “Well, if you promise me great success, I will of course take the next step, otherwise no deal…?”

The Prostitute archetype can also show up as under valuing (or not valuing) your natural strengths and gifts, or as not wanting to rock the boat or venture too far into the unknown.

The Victim Archetype reminds us to be responsible for our choices. Nearly everyone will experience betrayal at least once in their lives and feel victimized.

Think of all those investors who turned their money over to Maddoff, yes they were victims of the scheme, yet they also sabotaged themselves by failing to do proper due diligence.

In order to become a fully integrated and responsible human being, you will have to learn how to give up blame and let your Victim archetype teach you about your own greed or pride or whatever part you may have played in any circumstance.

And if you were victimized as a child physically and/or emotionally, in order to heal, you will need to learn how to forgive.This is most difficult for the Wounded Child and is an inherent lesson for this archetype.

The Child Archetype can show up in several expressions. We have Orphan Child, Wounded Child, Invisible Child, Magical/Innocent Child, Nature Child, Divine Child or Puer/Puella Eternis (eternal boy or girl).

And the greatest insights here can be found in the Child that most closely matches your pattern since childhood. Each expression of the Child archetype also has its unique gifts and challenges. Look at the gifts and lessons offered by the Child archetype you have. Then explore when the shadow Child shows up in place of your adult, and what it does to get your attention or get its way.

Archetypes and Self Discovery
The path of discovering your archetypes and how they will help you to grow and manage your power is rich and rewarding. You will learn more about yourself and how to see your life and world events symbolically.

Getting to know the lessons inherent within your cast of 12 Archetypes will reveal your Sacred Contract to you. By answering the question What is an archetype, you will finally be aware of this dynamic team of inner helpers, faithfully leading you toward your highest potential. And this will help you to know and appreciate the meaning and purpose of your life at a deep and profound level.♥

Desirée Watson is a transformational coach and trainer who specializes in helping people transform their lives and career from where they are to where they want to be. For more information or to schedule an Archetypal Reading go to CoachDesiree.com.